The best foster care is transformational but that’s not always the case. How do we transform the system so it can transform the life chances of children who need it? Before writing this blog for foster care fortnight I did the usual thing of looking though all the things people are saying about foster care. This was trickier than I imagined because I discovered that there were lots people with lots of opinions, views and ideas about foster care. I was intrigued by commonalities between these people – hence my ‘five archetypes.’
The five archetypes I will consider could not be more different but they each have a contribution to the foster care transformation debate. Through exploring these archetypes and what their views of transformation are, I hope to provide a balanced view of what’s needed to transform foster care from the views of people who work within it. I recognise that although these archetypes are different, they all had something in common – they all want the transformation that will make foster care a transformational experience for the young people it serves.
The first archetype is the ‘systematist’. They want transformation in foster care to come via systematic change, funding, strong leadership, and a good culture. Though they may be frustrated with the Government, they believe if they work within the rules for long enough they will find themselves in a position of power to make the changes they think are needed. You will often hear them say, ‘this is the way things are’ because they are often only work within the system to make change happen. Deep down inside they know that more needs to be done than following regulations, so they commit to change and improvement within a regulatory system. Their strengths are that they create a sense of safety and order and they are leaders who want to do the right thing but get frustrated by the red tape and bureaucracy. Their weakness is that they can fear innovation, can be hampered by rules that they know don’t work and therefore move more slowly than some of my other archetypes would like.
The second archetype is the ‘freedom fighter’. This archetype couldn’t be more unlike the systematist. They fight the system and believe that transformation in foster care comes through freedom from bureaucracy and breaking out into a world of love and humanity. They can be very intellectual and enjoy deconstructing the system though clever language and well-constructed arguments but sometimes can fall into the space of sophistry. They are child-focussed to their core and do not want to let the rules and regulations of the system distract them, even though their fight with the rules can sometimes do just that. They don’t want to do things in the system’s ‘right way’; they want to do ‘the right thing’. Their weakness is their difficulty in collaborating with others who don’t share the same views. They can be hot-headed and sometimes struggle to listen and so alienate potential supporters. Their strength is their ability to communicate, share powerful stories that motivate and call people to action and, of course, call out system injustice.
Our third archetype is the ‘champion’. They believe that transformation in foster care comes with giving foster carers more power to create a more equal system. They hate injustice, inequality and think they system is broken. They can be very angry and feel justified as their anger can come from an experience of injustice, exploitation or an abuse of power. They speak passionately and openly about their experience and their ideas and about what needs to change. They will often side with ‘freedom fighters’ and attack ‘systematists’. They have very pure hearts, are driven to the point of self-exhaustion and will think obsessively about their role in how the system needs to change. Their weakness is that they can bludgeon or think someone else should solve the problem. They are also susceptible to burn out and can sometimes let emotions get the better of them. Their strengths are their resilience; they will push further than most. They are compassionate and put their heart into all they do and are the true speakers for those who don’t have the strength to speak for themselves.
Next up is the ‘diplomat’, this is the person who ‘sits on the fence’ and tries to create balance in the arguments to come to a collective solution. Their approach to transformation in foster care is to get everyone to co-design a new system that considers everyone’s views. They are driven by the desire to achieve consensus and will listen intently to the views of others with the focus to come to a holistic understanding and a widely agreed solution. They reserve their opinion and often will not be asked to share it, not because it doesn’t add value but because people see their role as the diplomat. If you were to be one-to-one with a diplomat and asked them their views, they would be able to give you very rounded, considered and carefully constructed answers. They are unheard advocates, who don’t ask for much but have a lot to give. Their weakness is their belief that they shouldn’t share their opinion as they are often meaningful and wise. Their strength is their ability to hold people and absorb their views, ideas and feelings and mediate between people who have different views.
Finally, we have the ‘onlooker’ – the most hidden archetype. Their approach to transformation in foster care varies and can be a collection of the diplomat, champion, freedom fighter and systematist. They are almost impossible to find online and I have only come to know these people through my conversations with peers. They don’t get involved in conversations, not necessary because they are introverts or don’t want to but because they keep their head down and get on with what they are doing. They extract from what they see online; they learn from the arguments, conversations and views without unsettling the flow of what’s being said by getting involved. They are tactful in how they approach people and situations and have a calm and balanced nature. It’s hard to know what they truly think, but they certainly have a depth of knowledge and strong morality. Their weakness is that they can be absent and don’t always share what their motives are, this can lead to people not trusting them. Their strengths are their ability to learn, make things happen through their network and spot opportunities for development.
It’s important to understand the value in all these approaches, because when you look at everyone’s idea of what transformation might look like, we tend to find a lot of common ground – you realise that everyone wants transformation and the best foster care for young people, we just all go a different way about it. We do need systemic change within foster care. We want foster carers to operate in a system that is wholesome, supportive and makes them feel safe and valued. We know that the rules and regulations surrounding foster carers, though set up for safety, can often take away their power. If a foster carer feels they can’t make simple decisions or are told that they can’t ‘get attached’ then we create a world for children that is indecisive and lacking in love. We should encourage a more human approach to foster care. This is not about abolishing the bureaucracy; it’s valuing humanity alongside it, or dare I say, seeing humanity as having equal importance. It pains me when I hear foster carers say, because of their lack of power, that they want to be seen as ‘professionals’, because this is not what young people want and not what I think they mean. What I think they mean is that they want to be seen as equals to their professional peers and be part of an equitable system, in which they have appropriate power, training and support.
We could all listen a little better and work towards a common way of working. No one view in this sector is the right view and we forget that sometimes because of the emotion surrounding the work we do. This work is hard. It’s sleepless nights, messy relationships and frustrating red tape and amongst all this is a child who needs our love and attention – only by working collectively can we provide that. It’s the old saying that a village raises a child; we are that village and we need to learn to like and communicate with our neighbours.
There’s something to say about understanding each other’s views and recognising that all of us hold value. Through sharing ideas, communicating views and welcoming difference I believe we have everything we need to transform foster care so that it supports young people and the carers that look after them. All we need to do is to create opportunities to co-design and collaborate and we will create services that have meaning and will transform the lives for the children who receive them.
Evidence shows there is an intrinsic link between children engaging in leisure activities and improvements in their mental health and educational attainment (Department for Education and Skills, 2006).
Care to Dance is a social enterprise with a mission to pioneer new ways of using dance to improve the wellbeing and educational achievements of young people in care.
We provide care experienced young people with a safe space to express themselves in a creative and caring environment that is focused on developing confidence through dance and provide qualifications in dance leadership.
The benefits of dance
We all know that feel-good feeling when we get up and dance- whether that be on the dancefloor or in the secrecy of your own bathroom. Exploring our inner creativity through movement can create a sense of liberation and freedom.
The instinct to move the body in expressive ways is as old as humanity (Morris-Kay, 2010). Taking an evolutionary perspective, dance (or in its simplest form- movement) can be traced back as being one of our earliest ways of communication, in which moving our body was used to tell stories, to celebrate victories, and generally play a part in many cultural rituals and ceremonies (Reagon, 2014). Dance continues to be a fundamental part of life in many cultures today. Alphonse Tiérou, African dancer, researcher and choreographer describes traditional African dance:
Because it has more power than gesture, more eloquence than word, more richness than writing and because it expresses the most profound experiences of human beings, dance is a complete and self sufficient language. It is the expression of life and of its permanent emotions of joy, love, sadness, hope, and without emotion there is no African Dance.
Dance can be used as a creative process to channel and express emotions. The non-verbal emotional expression offered through movement and dance can have great therapeutic benefits. Research has found that movement therapies support to address trauma; it provides a way for creative expression and a path toward healing and lifelong strategies for managing stress (Grasser, 2021).
For children in care who have inevitably experienced significant trauma, whether that be whilst living with their families, or in the very process of them moving into the care system, dance can offer an emotional outlet. Research shows that dance and movement can build up children’s sense of self-worth (Ingram, 2013), improve their ability to regulate their emotions and reactions (Betty, 2013) and empower them to overcome obstacles (Dieterich-Hartwell, 2017).
During the pandemic, the incidence of anxiety and depression doubled in youth (Racine et al, 2021) and therefore, supporting the emotional wellbeing of care-experienced young people was as vital as ever. Cicero, Inclusion Lead for Care to Dance, shared his perspective on how the pandemic impacted care-experienced young people. He described how care-experienced young people were struggling to have their emotions heard and that dance meant they were able to “share what they were feeling” throughout the pandemic. Cicero also talked about how dance makes him feel, sharing – ‘you feel so free; you feel so loose; and that kind of fluid feeling feels so good’.
Another young person who is part of Care to Dance shared that he is “brought to life..It is that spark that when you start dancing, you start lighting up”.
The Impact of Care to Dance
We are experienced in working within children’s social care and dance sectors and it is this unique combination that gives us the ability to have impact for children in care and support them though dance.
At Care to Dance young people learn skills by choreographing their own movements in a safe space with qualified and experienced dance instructors. This helps them to build confidence, develop meaningful relationships and gives them a sense of belonging by providing them a community of young people who care about dance.
“Care to Dance is another home, another piece of what care is all about. It is like a jigsaw. Social Workers often talk about the three hearts that families and carers are meant to do. One of the hearts is love and I feel when people come to Care to Dance, they may have not had a good time at home. So they can come down and feel loved and feel the community”. – Young person
We increase employment opportunities and develops employability skills for care-experienced young people, by providing paid work for young people within Care to Dance.
We also provide Dance Leadership Qualifications that increase the educational achievement of care-experienced young people.
Promoting the young people’s mental health is also a key outcome that Care to Dance strives for. ‘Dance and movement therapy has now been found to help treat anxiety and depression’ – the psychological and physiological evidence that demonstrates how dance and movement therapy can support a young person’s mental wellbeing is powerful (Grasser, 2021).
See our ‘impact table’ below to understand more about how we are making an impact through Care to Dance.
What young people say about Care to Dance
‘Care to Dance also brought me and my younger Sister closer and also helped my sister to gain more confidence because at the start she had REALLY bad stage fright and the only person she could trust performing in front of was me. However by the end of the 12 weeks she was able to do the finale performance in front of everyone including our Foster Dad which was something she would have NEVER! been able to do before so I thank Care to Dance alot for this’.
‘I really loved Care to Dance!! At first I won’t lie since I was new to everything and the people it did feel really strange at first, however after getting to know everyone it felt like a big family. I didn’t feel judged at all there and knowing that people there had similar backgrounds as I did also made me feel comfortable as I knew all of us could understand one another’.
Get in touch with Care to Dance
If you would like to hear more about Care to Dance, you can check our website or contact us directly.
Director – North East Lead
07868897816
Director – London Lead
07854391857
Care to Dance gives young people and children with experience in care the opportunity to express themselves through dance in a safe and inclusive environment. Young people are brought together as a community to share their love of dance and to make lasting friendships.
Beth Vecchione is the director of Care to Dance and a qualified social worker. Beth is from the Northeast where she still lives. She runs Care to Dance workshops both in the Northeast and in London, and she’s looking to grow the enterprise nationally.
Beth’s unique combination of experience as a dance teacher and a social worker means she understands the kinds of issues young people with care experience face. She’s passionate about improving their mental wellbeing and educational outcomes through dance.
This week we had the privilege to chat to Beth about how she started the programme and the benefits for young people. Care to Dance is a synergy between dance and social work that we think is rather special.
The Care Leaders are Leaders with Lived Experience who provide training, keynotes and consultancy that look to enhance the experiences of children in care and care leavers.
We are a mix of employees and associates who have a wide range of disciplines from marketing, branding, graphic design, human resources, legal, transformation, finance and more. Although we all have different skill sets, we all have one thing in common; we want to do good things, with good people for good causes and improve the lives of children in care and care leavers.
We believe all organisations deserve to understand the lived experiences of children who use them, however, services typically do this by asking young people to attend meetings, to fill out surveys or by inviting them to workshops to share their personal experiences. We don’t think this is a great because there’s very little we usually do with the feedback and asking young people to share their traumatic experiences to people they don’t know is just unethical.
The Care Leaders are different, as consultants our leaders can draw from both personal and professional experiences of children’s services to develop projects such as; ‘Middlesbrough Children Matter’ where we co-designed a vision for children’s services with staff and young people; ‘The National House Project’ and ‘Care Leavers National Movement’ where we supported the development of a charity for care leavers and a steering group of young people to guide it; and ‘Youth Voice Bucks’ where rebranded, restructured and relaunched a participation service for a local authority.
Through our 12-Month Fellowship Programme we support lived experience leaders and youth participation workers to develop their ideas, project or a business that supports young people. We have supported the development of projects such as; Care to Dance, a community interest company where social workers offer dance workshops to children in care and MyFutureSelf Matters a mentoring organisation where care leavers mentor children in care.
Our leaders have trained 10,000’s of staff from the UK, Europe and across the globe, on topics about including trauma, attachment and relationships. We have taught MBA Students in the University of Oxford about storytelling, given keynote speeches at the Centre for International and Strategic Studies, USA about impactful social work practice and facilitated virtual and face-to-face workshops to teachers, social workers, foster carers and many more.
We want to step away from a world where those who have lived experience are only known for their story, into a world where lived experience leaders can be recognised and respected as leaders. We will do this by bringing together leaders with lived experience and services to develop meaningful projects, facilitate training and keynote speeches that look to enhance the experiences of children in care and care leavers.
If you want to know more about The Care Leaders, book training or find a consultant visit out website at www.thecareleaders.com
Last week we raised the awareness of Care Leavers across the UK. We heard advice, messages and powerful testimonials from those with care experience. Whilst this is a campaign that dominates social media Mary Anne-Hodd, care experienced trainer and consultant, wrote a post reminding us that there are ‘so many care experienced young people out there who won’t even be aware that National Care Leavers Week is a thing’, and asked us all to consider what we are doing for those who are not ‘speaking up’ and how we are creating ‘networks of unconditional support that go beyond a week’.
This is something that so many of us do, but I’m sure we all agree we have a lot of room for improvement.
It’s clear from the advice that I have read over this week that we have wonderful humans that support our young people. We speak of aspiration, talk about staying strong when things are hard, and believing in yourself. What I’ve liked about reading this week’s advice most is that we don’t coat up care and hide the challenges of care, we speak into it with words that have the intention to help young people climb out of it.
I remember a foster carer once saying to me; ‘being in care isn’t about damage prevention, it’s about damage limitation and I have to care but not care’. When I first heard this I didn’t understand and I have to admit it was a little painful. Now as an adult I understand. We are not heroes who can save young people from pain (damage prevention), we can only be there for them when they are in pain (damage limitation) and we have to care for young people unconditionally with the expectation of nothing in return (care but don’t care).
It’s about caring for the young person more than you care about the outcome.
That’s what this advice is to me. I am reading messages, advice and testimonials from adults who know they are not connecting to all young people, but are sharing their humanity with us and what they believe young people should hear. The real work is in the daily connections with our young people and these messages show we have people that care.
We want to say a big thank you to everyone that participated in our campaign and we have pulled together all the advice we received last week and included it all here for you to read. Please share it with as many young people and professionals who work with them as you can.
“If people tell you what you want to do with your life is impossible, you should tell them to get out of your way so you can prove them wrong. Find the ones who say “YES! GO ON!!” and listen to them instead.”
Maggie Atkinson – Former Children’s Commissioner for England
“Never think you can’t do something. Try, if you’re not successful, learn from the experience and move to the next challenge. Ultimately you will succeed.”
Irene Fox – Retired Care Recruitment Officer via Linkedin
“Believe in yourself, your dreams and your aspirations. The road is never easy but you can achieve your goals if you keep trying.”
Kerry Temple Whitehead – Leaving Care Personal Adviser via Linkedin.
“I would encourage young people leaving care to try and maintain relationships with previous carers, to stop by for a cuppa, drop in for a Sunday roast and not be afraid to stay connected. It’s a journey, not an ending.”
Laura Taylor – Fostering Social Worker and Therapeutic Parenting Coach
“Never give up on what brings you joy, the seeds you plant with love today will blossom into gifts tomorrow.”
Ric Flo Diaghe – Artist and Foster Care Advocate
“Keep believing in yourself, today, tomorrow, next week, next year, as Nelson Mandela said, “It always seems impossible until it’s done””
Harvey Gallagher – CEO – NAFP
“I think the most crucial thing for people from state care is to focus on building nourishing, lasting relationships and connections. These help us heal, build resilience and reverse the inner voice of not being worthy.”
Benjamin Perks – Head of Campaigns & Advocacy at UNICEF
“Nowadays, there are thousands of care leavers at university – don’t let any bumps in the road put you off if that’s what you want to do!”
Dr Neil Harrison – Deputy Director of The Rees Centre
“I couldn’t have been prouder or more inspired by my care experienced children. Be kind to yourselves and celebrate each other’s achievements.”
Yvette Stanley – National Director, Early Years Regulation & Social Care at Ofsted
“I’ve been privileged to meet so many remarkable care leavers. A care experience gives you something special to offer the world. Let’s build a world that celebrates, hears, and empowers you.”
Josh MacCalister – Chair of the Independent Review of Children’s Social Care
“Surround yourself with people who build you up not with folk who knock you down – remember we’ve all got something to offer but none of us know everything so let’s help each other out when we can.”
Dr Claire Baker – Researcher
“My advice is take things one step at a time, keep working on making one thing better and when you’ve done it pick another. One day you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come.”
Jonny Hoyle – Trustee of Coram Voice
“Every person has a story that deserves to be heard. Every experience is valuable and to make meaningful change we need to hear even the quietest voices”
Eva A Sprecher – Research Officer
“Care experienced people have had to rely the most extraordinary skills, abilities and energy to get through what we have. Remember, you still have these powers! The world needs to recognise and help you unlock your potential.”
Meera Mistry – NHS Director and Trustee of Become
“It’s important we allow our experiences to serve us rather than traumatise us further. It’s about growing through what we go through.”
Jerome Harvey – Agyei
Senior Children’s & Youth Participation Officer
“Remember – you deserve to get the best kind of help and encouragement – you should never expect anything less. Keep on pushing!”
Matthew Brazier – Ofsted’s Specialist Adviser (Children in Care) and one of Her Majesty’s Inspectors
“Practice gratitude, crappy things inevitably happened, but so did some good. Cling to those.
Reframe your skills – creative problem solving and creating opportunities for your needs to be met (even if maladaptively) goes hand in hand with the self parenting required when in care. Find and grow your strengths and use them to create the life you deserve.
Get therapy if you need it. Find someone or something that suits you to help you feel and process the feelings you probably had to ignore and disconnect from just to get through. Painful but important.
Take inspiration from others – you don’t need to walk their path but you need to know that you can dictate and walk yours.
Find people you can trust. Relational trauma can sabotage your ability to make meaningful and lasting connections, but when you find them be brave enough to be vulnerable.
Find something you enjoy and make it a habit to do it little and often. You don’t need to be ‘good’ at it.
Ask for help and accept it when offered.
Practice self-compassion. That shame you feel doesn’t belong to you. You were a child. Dependent on others. You did the best you could in the moment with the resources you had available at the time. Forgive yourself, plan for better and let it go.”
Dr Emma Woodward – Psychologist
“Aim high, work hard, dream big and ALWAYS believe in yourself! You are never alone, we will be with you, supporting you every step of the way! Supporting you through the good, the bad and the ugly! We believe in you!”
Stephanie Birchall – Participation and Inclusion Officer
“You are enough!”
Kerry Bull – Team Manager
“Please use all the support provided to get the best out of the service.”
Anne-Maria Brown – Care Leavers Support
“You are worthy! You have more experience than many at your age. This is strength. Tell the world your story and be an inspiration for others.”
Lauren Pang – Head of Data & Performance
If you’d like to find out more about The Care Leaders and how we can support you or your organisation with our training, programmes and free seminars, join our email list here.
Dear Future You,
I need you to know you are more than what you have been through. Yes, there are significant parts of your past that you’ve come through. I know you have had it harder than most young people your age & what I do know is, it wasn’t your fault.
I know at times you’ve felt invisible; to your family, your friends, school & to services set up to support you.
But I see you.
I see the courage it takes to open your eyes in the morning and the strength it takes to get dressed, when every item of clothing weighs heavy on your shoulders.
I see you take off your smile, that you have kept balanced perfectly in place. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I want you to know you don’t always have to show the world that you’re okay.
I am inspired by you.
You deserve all your dreams to come true, the career you want, go get it. The family life & supportive friendship group, you are worthy of it all & it is just around the corner.
Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t come easy. It’ll be exhausting and at times you may feel like giving up. please don’t.
You’ll question your self-worth and maybe for a while believe that you’re not worthy of the life you dream of.
I hope one day you can see that you deserve it all. It will take work, long hours, and at the time the reward may not seem so great.
I hope in time, you can look in a mirror and see how beautiful you are. Unfiltered, naturally beautiful. I hope you start to take selfies without filters and post unedited pictures with pride. You are perfect, just the way you are.
I hope you stop updating your status’, to get attention from people who don’t deserve your energy.
I hope you see the only person worthy of your comparison is the you now, to the future you.
Setting those boundaries and being able to say no is a work in progress, but you’ll get there and once you’ve cracked it, you’ll see how liberating it can be to say how you feel without always putting everyone’s needs before your own.
Remember, your story is precious and it is only yours, to be told by you.
You don’t owe it to anyone!
Love, always, Emily
Thank you to Participation Worker Emily Rhodes for sending us this powerful letter to publish.
It’s National Care Leavers’ Week, a time to have meaningful conversations about care leavers, the services they receive and the people who support them.
At The Care Leaders we are focused on providing a week of meaningful content that shares positive stories, advice for care leavers and adults who support them as well as being involved in conversations with other organisations and people.
This week Become have launched a campaign #WhatLeavingCareShouldBe and have asked people to share their views of what Leaving Care should look like.
We have put together 8 points that we think are important and could go a long way to ensure young people leave services in a better place than when they enter them.
- Adults who are supporting young people should be encouraged to stay in contact with them when they leave care
I have heard a myth many times that social workers cannot stay in touch with young people when they leave their care. This means many relationships that young people have developed with significant adults in there life end when they leave care. I would be interested to hear a response from Social Work England on whether social work professionals can or cannot stay in contact with care leavers.
- We should stop saying we can provide permanence when the system is temporary
We say that ‘permanence’ is the most important thing for a young person, however we operate in a system that is temporary. Meaning, when young people leave care too early, we often are left with a sense of failure. The length of time you spend with someone is not as important as the quality of time. A 5 minute conversation can change the way you think about the world, and can inspire you to do something remarkable. This will always have more impact than a long-term involvement that is process driven, focused on fulfilling a statutory function and ultimately ends when you are 18.
- Young people should not be put in expensive accommodation that they can’t afford when their legal status ends
We put young people in very expensive accommodation before they turn 18; this can include supported accommodation that can be £1000s a week. When a young person turns 18, their support stops from the local authority and they become responsible for their accommodation, without the skills, confidence or financial support to cope. This sets a young person up to fail; they often have no choice but to register as homeless and we then blame them for something we caused. This must stop.
- Stop using a leaving care grant to pay for a young person’s deposit on private rental property
Most local authorities provide young people around £2000 leaving care allowance to set up their home when they move into independence; this is to ensure they have a bed, washing machine, kitchen items and everything they need to live independently. Private rental properties often ask for a deposit, which for many young people is taken from their leaving care allowance and can often leave them without enough money to buy essentials. The local authority should be responsible for this deposit and it should not be taken from the young person’s allowance.
- Services should provide adequate resource, support and training to leaving care staff
When a young person is reaching leaving care age, the pressure they are under is intense. At the same time, we are slowly removing their support by reducing the time they spend with adults supporting them and often not providing the resources and training to these adults to support the young person. Essentially we are taking things away, providing less support in a time when they need it the most. A first step to ensuring young people feel safe and can leave care successfully, is to ensure they have confident, well supported people around them, who understand their emotions, can respond appropriately and make young people feel safe when the inevitability of the overwhelming experience of leaving care is upon them.
- Leaving care services should be available to all young people until they are at least 25
It’s incredibly confusing and unfair for a care leavers when we have such confusing and complex criteria for determining who is eligible to receive services. Criteria do not focus on the individual and what they need. Instead they use time in care and post care pathways to determine support, both of which are out of a young person’s control. For example, someone in university will still get more support than someone who isn’t. This is counter intuitive: those who need more support because the system only identified their need for care late or did not give them consistent care or who have not got the academc ability for university, get less support. Every care leaver should receive support based on their needs until they are at least 25, irrelevant of how long they were in care or their ability.
- Provide second chances
A fragmented experience of education, care and school placement moves and the impact of traumatic events, often mean that care leavers have not got the academic confidence, skills or qualifications for their next steps. Yet young people who get through challenging circumstances and the challenges of the care system itself often have huge untapped potential. We should provide the one to one support to enable young people to catch up on lost learning, get key qualifications and access their nexts steps. Over and over again it has been shown that young people in care benefit massively from good one to one support and the investment enables these young people to gain independence. We should get rid of the artificial age cut off points at 16, 18 and 19 for accessing such support and keep the offer open till 25.
- Provide a pathway into employment for all care leavers
Young people in care often lack the adult networks and direct experience of adults in work that give them the confidence and access to employment. You don’t know what you don’t know, so there might be jobs out there that could be a great match for you, that would motivate you and gove you confidence in your future but you’ve not heard of or experienced them. Local Authorities should use their own employment opportunities and those of their network to provide a rich and varied work experience offer. That should go from a chat to someone doing a job that you might be interested in all the way to paid internships. Don’t dump a young person in the workplace and expect them to cope: give them a key person, a mentor who has the time to chat, to encourage and help them swim in the sea of possibilities!
I was one of these young people who wanted to leave care as soon as possible. I was adamant that I was ready. I didn’t let anyone tell me any different and if you had tried to explain to me the reality of what it would be like, I would have just ignored you because I thought you had no idea and I knew the best. Sound familiar?
I broke down every placement in my mission to become independent, knowing eventually I would be living on my own and out of a system, that in its attempts to serve me, felt like it only scrutinised me.
The thought of being free and independent, and removing the shackles of social care couldn’t have come sooner. I had visions of living in a flat, with my own kitchen to cook what I wanted, being able to decorate my bedroom how I liked, pamper myself in my own bathroom, come home whenever I wanted, have my friends over to stay and no more reviews or people telling me what they thought I needed to be doing. This was the dream of independence that I longed for. However, at 15 years old being moved into bed and breakfast accommodation with only a kettle, a single bed, a shared bathroom and living with adults and young people who were suffering from their own hardships and trauma, the dream of happy, vibrant independence was actually a reality of a lonely, dull existence.
I’m now 30 years old. I have a stable job, have been honoured by the Queen for my support for children and families and was a fellow at the University of Oxford supporting MBA students to learn about social enterprise. I am no longer eating super noodles out of a mug but reflecting on these moments, as it is Leaving Care Week.
To mark this week, I wanted to share my adult perspective with my 15 year old self and give myself the advice that I needed. I wanted to write it to myself because I understand that everyone’s experiences are different. I can only talk from my own and generic advice can often feel disingenuous. However, at the same time, I don’t think my experiences are too dissimilar to other care leavers and I hope that the advice I would have needed at 15 will connect with you.
For care leavers reading this, just know that people out there care about you; they understand what you’re going though and that your future is in your hands. Independence gives you a huge freedom and I like to think that it’s not you leaving care, it’s you leading and taking control of your own care.
1. Your story doesn’t need to hold you back.
There’s so much talk that’s about stigma. Lots of the time it’s about how being a care leaver means that you won’t achieve as much, or how it will hold you back: I think this is total rubbish. Think about all the skills and qualities you have gained by being brought up in care: how you can adapt and move; how you can overcome hardship and how you are able to build relationships quickly. I understand that experiences growing up can be painful, but this pain will pass and what will be left are skills and qualities that you have gained that will really help you; you just might not see that yet.
2. See leaving care as the start of a journey not the end of one.
I’ve been asked a few times, ‘how do you deal with endings when you move out of care?’ It’s a hard time and usually happens earlier than it should. I don’t really have any pearls of wisdom, other than, try not to see leaving care as an ending. Being in care can also be restrictive and there’s a freedom to leaving it. You have control over your life and what you want to do. You have the world at your feet and opportunities at your fingertips.
3. Ask for help, rely on others, but depend on yourself.
Asking for help can be difficult. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because we are in some way saying that we don’t know what to do and that can feel helpless. That’s not the case; asking for help is really important because you can’t do everything yourself, as much as you might like to, or feel you have to. Make peace with reaching out. There’s a balance between relying on people and depending on yourself. By reaching out you can gain skills that increase your independence. Being in care, most things are done for you and lots of things happen in the background of your life. When you leave care, it can be scary, because that goes. This is where we learn to depend on ourselves and it is important to start to think this way too. A balance of asking for help, relying on others and depending on yourself will really benefit you.
4. Don’t be afraid to start something new.
There are a thousand and one amazing things to do in the world. If you are anything like me, I used to think that I would be useless at most of them. I didn’t dare to start something new, mainly because I thought I would be ridiculed, or just be bad at it. One thing that being 30 is that I care less about how good I am at things and what people think. I accept that it doesn’t matter if I’m not good at something: what’s important is that I just give things a go and see what happens. You just don’t know what you will be like at doing something unless you give it a go.
5. Everything can happen later
If you think about it, it is actually impossible to fail if you are still trying. That’s not to ignore the fact that setbacks happen and can feel painful, but everything can be overcome and done later, no matter how big or small. You only ‘fail’ if you stop trying. If you didn’t achieve GCSEs or A-Levels, then do them later. If you didn’t get that job, then apply for another. Just make sure you are in the right space in your life and keep learning from the setbacks you have had, so you can adapt and try again. By the way, saying ‘I can do this later’ when you know you could try it now, isn’t what this is about! Do it now and be prepared to do it later as well if you need to!
6. Know that it’s normal to have up and down days.
We are all humans with emotions. The thing about being in care is that sometimes our emotions can be put under a microscope, which ironically makes us hide them away, meaning that when we become adults, we can bottle things up and it can seem really hard to let our emotions out. It’s ok to feel down. It’s ok to have a little cry sometimes. Just remember that everyone has up and down days; it’s all part of being human. Don’t let down days silence or trap you. Be kind to yourself and be prepared to talk. Talking is a sign of strength and independence.
7. People can think anything they want about you: only you know yourself.
People like to judge. We all do it; it’s just that no one ever really admits it. Someone I am very close to once told me ‘people only have the power you give them’, meaning that if someone judges you, or thinks a certain way about you, it will really only effect you if you allow it and give it power. Remember if you feel hurt because someone thinks something about you, that pain is because they don’t see who you are and that’s not nice, but you know who you are and you can choose to be you. Don’t let the words of others get in the way of you being you; brush it off; be yourself and let the haters hate.
We are leaders with lived experience who have developed both empathy and authority to young people and the services they receive. We know that lived experience provides a lens to understand what it feels like to be in the shoes of a child experiencing children’s services.
As professionals we have built authority through our 10 years of learning what works, and leading organisations to achieve innovative projects that benefit the lives of young people. We believe the intersection between lived experience and leadership is where authentic change really happens, enabling us to hear real experiences and translate that to training, service design and transformation.
We also know from our own experience of working with leaders committed to these changes that there is real power in connecting both strategy and lived experience, resulting in unlocking creative energy whilst working flexibly with you both online and face to face.
An example of how we work
The Care Leaders were asked to develop a national platform to connect, engage and provide opportunities for care leavers to steer and develop The National House Project. Over 12 months we established and launched the Care Leavers National Movement, which brought together a group of 18 young people from 6 local authorities whose focus was to highlight system challenges, celebrate success stories and test innovative ideas.
The Care Leavers’ National Movement has sustained its membership and grown it to include 12 local authorities. The Care Leavers National Movement has instigated the ‘Keep Care Leavers Connected’ campaign that has gained national traction and developed partnerships with some of the UK’s leading organisations for children’s social care.
Our understanding of the challenges
We recognise the challenges leaders face when they have to develop organisational structures that engage with young people and staff. It can be natural to turn to forums and surveys to capture feedback, often leaving us with the dilemma of what to do with what we hear. We support leaders in thinking systemically about engagement, looking at governance, accountability and innovation to ensure when we listen to our people we can then act upon it and demonstrate real change.
For staff working with young people we believe it is important to receive impactful training, listen to inspirational seminars which provide insights into lived experiences, and engage them in processes that transform services.
We know that working in children’s services takes passion, commitment and empathy.
We also know that this is a sector at the forefront of negative media and stigmatisation which can be de-motivating and hold low morale.
We believe in helping you to develop systems that
- Engage staff in co-design of services, providing feedback and solutions about how to develop them
- Engage staff in development opportunities that will both reinvigorate and inspire positive action, and connect them with positive stories from lived experience.
Ultimately, we see young people as our true client.
This is who we work for and all of our services are focused on ensuring they are central in our thinking and development. We know organisations have a statutory duty to ‘consult’ with young people, through consultations and forums. However we believe that engaging with young people is more than just this. We work with young people to engage them in activities that bring them together and develop their skills to build better futures. We want to enable them to feel valued and a sense of ownership over services they experience and the lives they will go on to lead.
Finally we want to challenge and shape society’s perspective of young people, especially those in the care system. We know that young people use services not because of what they have done, but because of what’s been done to them. We see our role here to directly challenge this narrative by being role models and leaders who are fully committed to change.
If you want to know how we can work with you and support your organisation to engage with lived experience and transform the way we support children in care please get in touch today at [email protected]
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My name is Luke Rodgers and I am a lived experience leader who is passionate about changing the narrative for care experienced young people.
For the last 10 years I have been working in system transformation for children’s services with the primary focus to engage leaders, staff and young people with co-designed services based on the lived experience of those who experience them.
Like another 80,000 young people in the UK I was brought up in the care system.
My story is not unfamiliar. Lots of placement moves, unsettled schooling, several care workers coming in and out of my life and then leaving the care system much earlier than I was ready for at the age of just 15.
Fast forward and I am now 30 years old, and proud to have achieved a number of things. First, the set up of an organisation that became internationally recognised for supporting fostering services, placement on the 2018 Queen’s honours list for my commitment to children and families, winner of multiple awards in the social enterprise sector and in 2020 I was asked to be a fellow at the University of Oxford Said Business School supporting MBA students at the Skoll Centre for Social Enterprise.
Sadly the latter part of my story isn’t as familiar as the former, and my passion is to work with organisations to change this narrative and ensure young people leave services in a much better place than when they entered them.
But how do we go about achieving this?
I believe to change a narrative we must first understand how it develops and what our role is within it. The media representation of children in care is predominantly negative, influencing wider society which our young people then move into after care.
We are forever sharing statistics about how children in care are compared to their peers, ignoring the crucial fact they have had a much different starting point in life.
The impact this has for young people is significant. Services can then be reluctant to support them due to their label, individuals working with them constantly feel like they’re failing, and young people feel unheard and helpless, identified by something that they are not and yet powerless to change it.
When I think about this I am reminded of a phrase that someone I’m close to once told me, ‘kids don’t come into care because of what they have done, they come into care because of what’s been done to them’.
We know if we see them as ‘bad kids’ we will act in a way that expects that, and it becomes a self-fulling prophecy.
Three ways we can make positive change
We have to start changing the way we see young people so that they are seen for who they are and not the conditions and outcome of their trauma, and it is my belief that there are 3 ways to successfully achieve this.
First, we need to share positive stories about the care experience. This will remind individuals that they are making a difference, boost morale in our work force and share the reality of success that is generally unheard of for our young people.
This motivates and inspires people as they can see that good things can happen, rather than the negativity that dominates them in the media.
Secondly, we need to engage staff and young people in service transformation. If we understand lived experience and develop services that are more in tune with the reality of what people experience, This will enable services to meet the true needs of young people. They can be more equipped to help lead achievement and deliver positive outcomes.
Finally, we need to lead from the bottom up and hand down appropriate power. This is more than an annual staff survey, sub-groups or forums, which are all temporary systems. What we need is a cultural change where organisations see improved system thinking, knowledge equity and engagement as business as usual.
Challenging our mindset
The simplest way to start making these changes is by tweaking our mindsets and to challenge the narrative that children in the UK care system are ‘bad kids’, and both understand and acknowledge that ‘bad things have happened’ to them.
Once we recognise that children have been through trauma which wasn’t their fault, this enables us to be empathetic to their experiences, more compassionate in our approach and more open to listening.
The more we see children as ‘bad kids’ the more likely we are to approach with authority, preconceived expectations and miss the crucial opportunity to understand.
It is my true belief that young people deserve to leave services in a better place than when they entered and into a society that supports and celebrates their achievements. We all have a part to play in this and it starts with understanding the lived experiences of children in children’s services.
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